The common human quest is to grow to our highest potential.

Unborn babies are literally connected to their mother’s body. Once born, an infant begins the work of understanding their separateness.

Over our lifespan we predictably learn and grow and change. The type of lessons we face changes with each stage of life that we enter. Sadly, some people remain stuck and thrash in the same territory until death.

Still, all struggle to reach some level of understanding, some level of peace, and some level of contentment.

As children we begin the journey with learning about our bodies. We learn to talk and walk. We learn to control a pen and a fork. Interacting with games, balls and other play things is our obsession. As is the charge of a child, s/he must master the physical.

And due to the nature of humanity, we all depart from childhood with unresolved questions, confusion and often some type wound. Even when adored by parents, no one can exit childhood in a pure and perfected state.

As young adults we begin the work of understanding our emotional self. We come to understand our unique personalities and our personal preferences and desires. Exploring the psychology of our identity is now our top priority. We are delighted and sometimes terrified as we explore the layers of ourselves. A lot of who we become is influenced by the person, creature or thing that we are near. We affect each other as we decide who we are and who we are not in response to them. Our relationships, good and bad, are profound as each gives us an opportunity to come closer to understanding the self.

However, half of all marriages end in divorce. A conservative estimate claims that more than half of the remaining relationships that stay intact are loveless and unfulfilling. No one passes through romantic love unscathed. So, are all these people who are involved in these less-than-a-lifetime or less-than-perfect relationships failures? Are they defective human beings? Do they know nothing about love? Do they have nothing to teach about family?

Definitely not.

After the learning about the physical in the child stage and after the learning about the psychological in the adult stage, some people move into learning about the spiritual.

While operating in the psychological stage, relationships are framed in large part in terms of whether or not individual needs or desires are met. This makes the interactions primarily self-focused. This is normal and doesn’t necessarily imply that someone is doing something wrong. They aren’t. Everyone has questions or issues that they wrestle with from childhood experiences. These issues are reenacted in their most intimate relationships over and over. Truthfully, when living on this level, emotional needs and the associated yearning can never be fully satisfied. For this reason, frustration arises. If the frustration is met with stamping of the feet and fretting about ourselves and our situations, we will remain forever stuck. There is another response. It is the choice to move farther down the path to seek a new response, a spiritual response. This spiritual choice can be done within a relationship or without a lasting relationship.

The lessons of the spiritual seeker are about gathering and connecting until we reach a new understanding about love. This love doesn’t separate us based on our individual awareness. This love isn’t about picking only one object for our love while scorning or being apathetic towards others. This love is sincerely compassionate and caring. It is accepting of differences and it isn’t self-centered. Instead, this type of love allows us to see ourselves in others and others in us. This is soul work which moves us from feeling isolated to experiencing our relatedness in the broadest sense. The soul sees how much all individuals have in common. The soul drives us towards the bigger picture. Ultimately, the big picture is pure love. Pure love is the reason for being.

It would be easy to misunderstand me at this point. People can learn and live pure love from their experience in shorter term relationships or until-you-die relationships. The quality of the journey isn’t predetermined by a relationship outcome or by any other external structure. It is determined by the internal choices made by the person. The choice is to either grow spiritually or to remain as a student and therapist of the self. Choosing pure love over festering anger and resentment or apathy and resignation can be done in a wide, wide range of situations. There isn’t just one road to pure love.

Once people understand this, they are free to be their best selves. They don’t need to feel doomed to inadequate love experiences just because they had a difficult childhood or because they made mistakes as adults. We are all free to love whenever we choose to do so. Love scenarios are not one dimensional. There is no one right way to be in relationship.

Once the concept of pure love begins to form, those day to day idiosyncrasies of your partner are easy to accept. When others reject you, you can feel compassion for them because you understand they are choosing to remain in the quagmire of pain. You can feel comfortable with your choices to love people others may consider not-good-enough for you. You know that love is love.

Once the practice of pure love grows, you can more consistently feel a connection not only with the people closest to you in day to day life, but also to souls you have never even met. You can feel a deeper empathy, forgiveness and compassion for those who have hurt you or who have hurt others.

Once pure love becomes a daily focus, connectedness is felt in our relationships and with everything in the world. We no longer need to struggle to be indulged or to have our pains soothed by others. We know we are love and love heals.

No matter whom you are, no matter what struggles you have faced, no matter who has rejected you, you are love. With pure love come understanding, peace and contentment.

Pure love is our soul’s ultimate dream.

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6 responses to “OUR SOUL’S ULTIMATE DREAM”

  1. Sherry Clayton says :

    This reminds me very much of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs often presented in a pyramid format. Here’s a good summary of the hierarchy from wiki: “The most fundamental and basic four layers of the pyramid contain what Maslow called “deficiency needs” or “d-needs”: esteem, friendship and love, security, and physical needs. If these “deficiency needs” are not met – with the exception of the most fundamental (physiological) need – there may not be a physical indication, but the individual will feel anxious and tense. Maslow’s theory suggests that the most basic level of needs must be met before the individual will strongly desire (or focus motivation upon) the secondary or higher level needs. Maslow also coined the term Metamotivation to describe the motivation of people who go beyond the scope of the basic needs and strive for constant betterment.”

    Thanks for sharing your insight. I’m working to function at a higher level myself. I’m straddling the d-needs and betterment phase, but based on the typical human experience, most of us probably are at some point in our lives.

    • leazengage says :

      Thanks for your comment Sherry. I hadn’t thought about it before but what I wrote does parallel Maslow’s hierarchy. But I think I was trying to say that at some point, maybe when we get tired :), we can choose to look at things from the pure love perspective. I guess it’s not clear to me how Maslow explains movement up the hierarchy. In any case, all the best to you!

      • Sherry Clayton says :

        Perhaps I was reading your post through the filter of my own current self-work. I would say that seeing things from a pure love perspective is very difficult if you are not functioning above your basic needs. It requires a certain amount of compassion and generosity that is hard to give when you are struggling to meet your own needs.

      • leazengage says :

        You are quite right! It is definitely a journey! 🙂 It’s just so hard to figure out what allows us to move to another level… I sometimes think it’s when we surrender because it feels to me the more I “try” the less I’m “getting it.” Maybe I’m talking in circles now. 🙂

      • Sherry Clayton says :

        I know what you mean. The more we keep pushing ourselves, measuring ourselves and reminding ourselves just how much we lack or how much further we have to go, sometimes the weight of that is so heavy it pulls us down and stops any progress.

      • leazengage says :

        I’m right there with you. All the best to you! Enjoy the day. 🙂

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