DANGER CAN LURK BEHIND PLATITUDES
Danger can lurk behind platitudes.
But what is a platitude anyway? It’s a statement that is offered as if it is a wonderful, moral, or deep thought. Generally it’s a statement that is overused, trite and therefore empty. But is it just that?
I don’t think so.
Here are just a few of the most common platitudes we all hear regularly.
Good things happen to those who wait.
It was meant to be.
You reap what you sow.
Time heals all wounds.
Everything happens for a reason.
Anything that doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.
This too shall pass.
Typically a lot of energy goes into determining if these statements are true or not. Below are a couple examples of these efforts. I’m not saying that there isn’t validity in the analysis presented here. Instead, I’d like to look at platitudes from a different angle!
Let’s not debate about if this or that platitude is correct or not! Although I do think that danger can lurk behind a platitude, I don’t want to criticize anyone who relies on platitudes. Let’s instead look at WHY people might resort to these shallow bits of un-wisdom.
Frankly, some people don’t have the intellectual capacity to comment beyond the platitude. That’s OK. Everyone is just able to do what they are able to do. No danger here.
Some people have used these statements so often in their lives, that they derive comfort from them. All good. No harm done.
Sometimes platitudes are spoken by capable people during emotionally stressful moments when that person really doesn’t know what to say. They feel awkward. They feel embarrassed. So, they look for something to say that might pass as meaningful. That’s pretty common and pretty inane.
So, where is the alleged danger?
OK. When someone covers up low self-esteem with a steady stream of less than inspiring platitudes, trouble could be right around the corner. Platitudes could be an attempt to cover up feelings of inadequacy. Low self-esteem comes with a built-in negative filter. This filter provides a less-than-helpful negative interpretation of life, people and interactions along the way. As these negative incidents happen, typically a passive or passive-aggressive response is given. During a difficult moment, a confident person would normally respond calmly in a respectful but assertive way. Their goal would be to resolve any misunderstanding so that both sides feel good about the outcome. But over time, inside the person with low self-esteem pressure accumulates as negativity festers. Eventually defensiveness and aggression explode into an irrational and unproductive display. These incidents are dangerous, indeed. They are especially dangerous if these outbursts become a persistent and predictable pattern.
Or, maybe there is a person whose self-esteem is healthy enough but they haven’t yet mastered how to handle their anger. Anger is a normal emotion which can be very instructive or very destructive. If it isn’t used to provide a positive lesson, it can set the stage for an outburst that creates harm in the short term and potentially the long term. Again, irrational statements are blurted out and bad decisions made are often regretted later.
So, what is the point of all this? It’s not to criticize or judge others. Rather, it could serve as a reminder to look at oneself. The only person we can change is ourselves. Ask yourself these questions to see what is possible.
Do I often use platitudes rather than making appropriate and authentic personal comments? Do I listen well so that I can even know what is appropriate? Are my responses to others superficial or sincere? Do I need to learn how to move towards a better self-image? If yes, what will I do now to avoid making unfounded negative interpretations? If I respond in a passive or passive-aggressive style, where and how can I learn how to switch to healthy assertiveness? What I get angry, do I wallow in that anger or am I able to step back from it to look for the healthy lesson? Where and how can I learn how to better deal with my anger?
Best wishes and love coming your way!